Non-Beardy Beer » T

TYSKIE

Beer Book — Mon, 17 May 2010 13:23:15 +0000

SABMiller
Poland, 5.6%

Regarded by many as the most – and some might say only – palatable Polish beer, Tyskie (that’s Tisk-yeh) is closer to a Czech pilsner than any of its compatriot rivals, with a golden colour and a thick white head, and because of its infinitely smaller gut-rot potential, it’s consequently its home country’s best selling brand. Still brewed in the southern Polish town of Tychy – close to Katowice and birthplace of no less than Liverpool FC’s clanger-prone former ‘keeper Jerzy Dudek – this beer is part of a long and self-contained tradition dating back to 1629. Thanks to the influx of Polish nationals, however, it has quietly and subtly worked its multiple award-winning way into the pubs, hypermarkets and grotty corner stores of Britain. Strangely in a market usually hell-bent on world domination, Tyskie’s overlords SABMiller seem perfectly happy to keep it as a parochial concern and currently offer very little in the way of English blurb to entice the casual internet browser or indeed make life simple for clever dick contributors to impertinent beer guides. Maybe they’re trying to retain an air of mystery and east European otherness: who can tell? But by using a very helpful online Polish-to-English translator, it seems that the best way to appreciate Tyskie is as follows: ‘Cover with beer hand – szklankę and aggressively zamieszaj. Discover next szklankę, but then, sweat it involve air fastly nose right now pestilence. Then, you will feel bouquet of fruit smell like bananowy, truskawkowy or jabłkowy.’ Couldn’t have put it better myself. MJ

TUBORG

Beer Book — Mon, 10 May 2010 13:21:45 +0000

Carlsberg UK
Denmark, 4.5%

Big news for UK drinkers: Tuborg is back, back, back! And we hadn’t even realised it had gone away! Yes, Carlsberg UK, brewer of Carlsberg, a Danish medium bitter pilsner, have relaunched Tuborg, another Danish medium bitter pilsner. Carlsberg say they are both very different, with the Carlsberg brand tasting of ‘summer apples and pine’, and Tuborg tasting of ‘flowers and lemon’. I’m not so sure about that – to these cynical tastebuds, they both taste like quite a lot like Skol, another Danish lager from Carlsberg. Like Skol, Tuborg was last seen as a 1980s no-frills watered-down version of European lagers. The new version has a beefed-up 4.5% ABV, but can it really be expected to compete in a marketplace bossed largely by a very similar stable-mate? Tuborg was first brewed in 1873, so it pre-dates Carlsberg, but is that enough to make UK drinkers clasp it to their bosoms? What Carlsberg hope will differentiate the Tuborg brand is the marketing angle. Carlsberg have chosen to align the new Tuborg with live music, sponsoring a stack of UK festivals. Tuborg is already linked with live music in Europe, having sponsored Denmark’s Roskilde Festival. And even in its previous life as a 1980s ‘standard lager’, Tuborg danced to a musical beat, with TV ads including a particularly 80s big-haired spot featuring Bruce Hornsby and the Range-style piano-noodling, and a memorable ‘Tu-Tu-Tu-Tuborg’ bargain basement rip-off of Peter Gabriel’s Sledgehammer video (with voiceover from Chris ‘Tiswas’ Tarrant). PB

TENNENT’S SUPER

Beer Book — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 12:55:29 +0000

InBev
UK, 9% ABV

The mainstream beauty of Tennent’s Super can be conveyed by two numbers: 500 and 9. That’s 500ml per can and 9% ABV. Pretty good, but what does it taste like? Once removed from the blue tube, Tennent’s Super becomes an all together different beast – a more docile one, if you will. The consistency is as it should be; namely the bubbles rise congruently and at an equidistant pace for a good number of minutes. The colour is a rich amber without the associated darkness of many other super lagers. The first sense which is attacked upon raising the glass to one’s lips is the sense of smell. Traditionally the sense of smell has been a poor second to the sense of taste when used to make decisions upon various beers but, in this case, the sense of smell is a valid weapon in the super lager drinker’s armoury. Once opened to the outside air the smell of ham disappears completely leaving just the pleasant floral aroma to ascend from the glass. The lager fizzes kindly upon the tongue and then the taste hits you. Hits you like a nuclear weapon. The taste of Tennent’s Super is unlike any other super strength lager, let alone any other lager currently on the market. Danger is what makes the world go round. If man didn’t take risks then man would still be living in caves wondering why everything was so cold. Tennent’s Super is very much like that – it is a risk but one with a big payoff. TJ

THEAKSTON’S OLD PECULIER

Beer Book — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 12:54:02 +0000

Theakston
UK, 5.6% ABV

Old Peculier, or ‘The Legend’, is not for the faint hearted… This is a full-bodied, strong and very smooth beer – so smooth you can end up drinking more than you first intended. It’s Theakston’s most famous beer, and ‘the beer that made Masham famous’ – if you mention the town of Masham outside of Yorkshire, people will often say, ‘That’s where Old Peculier comes from,’ – or at least that’s what they often say to me. Why the odd spelling of peculier? There’s actually nothing peculiar about it. A peculier is a parish outside the jurisdiction of a diocese, and the beer is simply named after the peculier of Masham. It’s another beer brewed from the traditional fuggle hop by the family that has run the independent brewery for over five generations (excluding a short spell under S&N). The brewery has its own visitors centre, and the family’s wealth of experience means they have more than a few interesting tales to tell. Old Peculier has a dense and smooth head which tops a dark body and is best viewed (and drunk) close to a log fire which shows off its amber highlights. It has a complex, quite malty taste, and although as a local I would say that it is best drunk within touching distance of the brewery, I can say with sincerity that it does travel well. But it is deceptively strong. So, wherever you choose to drink the stuff, it’s best to make sure you’re not in a hurry and have something soft nearby – to roll into. HC

THEAKSTON’S BEST BITTER

Beer Book — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 12:52:22 +0000

Theakston
UK, 3.8% ABV

The T&R Theakston Brewery is located in the town of Masham, North Yorkshire, which is handy for this reviewer as it’s just around the corner from my house. There is something really special about a beer only travelling 500 yards before going into your glass – a fresh beer certainly makes a better beer in this case. T&R Theakston was founded in 1827 by Robert Theakston and John Wood at The Black Bull pub in Masham. The Theakston family owned the brewery until 1987, when it was acquired by Scottish & Newcastle. But, heroically, four Theakston brothers bought the brewery back in 2004, returning it to family ownership. Theakston’s ales are widely available on draught in pubs in the north of England, and in bottles in supermarkets around the UK and in Germany and the USA. Best Bitter is the most readily-available of the five cask ales produced by Theakston, and is often described as a session beer, that is, several pints can be drunk over a ‘session’ of time without completely intoxicating the drinker. It’s not too strong, yet a satisfying beer to drink. It does have a pleasant flavour – quite hoppy and distinctive, leaving an agreeable taste on the pallet. It is a dark gold colour, darker than most bitters, however, if you’re a real bitter enthusiast, it will probably disappoint as it’s only mildly bitter. Theakston also produces XB, Black Bull, Traditional Mild, and Old Peculier, but if you don’t want a heavy night then Best Bitter is a safe and pleasant bet. HC

TENNENT’S

Beer Book — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 12:33:24 +0000

InBev
UK, 4.4% ABV

Reportedly Fred West’s favourite tipple, Tennent’s was the first lager to be brewed in Scotland, in 1885. The Wellpark Brewery was founded in Glasgow by Hugh and Robert Tennent in 1740. Originally called the Drygate Brewery (where it was based), it expanded some fifty years later when the family bought a nearby brewery and renamed the site. As Scotland’s best-selling pale lager, Tennent’s has enjoyed a number of ‘first’ accolades… the first draught lager in 1924, the first canned lager in 1935 and the first keg lager in 1963. And no doubt it is probably the first beer to touch the palette of drinkers in Scotland. And speaking of taste, I’ll not bore you with ‘true taste of Scotland’ clichés or Irvine Welsh ‘schemie’ references; it’s all standard in price, strength, taste and consistency. It is lager in colour and lager in taste and doesn’t pretend to be anything else. A cool, quaffable tasty lager and at a medium strength, it will do the trick if you are out on an all-dayer. You can rely on the Big T; he’s an old friend to reacquaint yourself with when you’re in town. If you live in Scotland, it is generally as easy to lay your hands on as IrnBru or water. Or in the beer tent at T in the Park festival if they ever have a decent line-up and make it worth going to. Outside of Scotland, it’s less in your face, but still available everywhere. SW

TETLEY’S SMOOTHFLOW

Beer Book — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 12:49:45 +0000

Carlsberg UK
UK, 3.8% ABV

It’s Tetley’s, but it’s smoother and creamier. That much is clear, as is the fact that UK drinkers buy more Smoothflow than Original. Smoothflow (like Creamflow or just plain Smooth) signifies that the beer is pressurised with nitrogen, either from a pressurised keg, or from a can or bottle with a widget. So let’s nail this once and for all – what the hell is a widget? The word ‘widget’ itself means an unspecified or hypothetical good or product, often used in economics speak (‘How many widgets would you need to sell to blah, blah, blah…’), and was first coined by George S Kaufman in his 1924 play Beggar On Horseback. Yes, I missed that one too. The widget found in a beer can was patented by Guinness brewers Tony Carey and Sammy Hildebrand in 1968. The first samples sent to Guinness in Dublin were labelled ‘Project Dynamite’, but brewery workers called them ‘widgets’, and the name stuck. The modern floating widget is essentially a small hollow plastic ball, about 30mm in diameter, with a hole in the top. As the can is sealed it is pressurised with liquid nitrogen, some of which is forced into the hollow widget. When the can is opened, the pressure quickly drops, and nitrogen and beer jets out from the hole in the widget, agitating the surrounding beer and creating a surge of tiny bubbles, which eventually settle to produce a smooth and creamy head. So Tetley’s Smoothflow is part bitter pale ale and part scientific marvel. PB

TETLEY’S ORIGINAL

Beer Book — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 12:48:47 +0000

Carlsberg UK
UK, 3.6% ABV

I’ve heard of people fantasising about being locked in a brewery but some people just have to go that little bit further. Harry Houdini was once submerged in a sealed metal cask filled with Tetley’s Original, but for once, the task of freeing himself proved too great even for the famous escapologist and he had to be rescued from the barrel (moral: don’t drink and dive). That was back in 1911, but Tetley’s has been around for a lot longer than that having been brewed in Leeds since 1822. It likes to cultivate something of a down-to-earth Yorkshire air, and this is evinced by the numerous sponsorship deals which the brand is associated with, leaning heavily towards the sport of rugby; the implied message being: it’s full-bodied, unpretentious and can hold its own against any namby-pamby soft southern drink. If it was a body part it would be a cauliflower ear. The bitter ale is still made using traditional brewing methods, such as dry-hopping of cask ales (adding the hops after the wort has cooled) and with Yorkshire Square fermenting vessels (producing a distinctively flavoured beer that is impossible to replicate with other factory methods), and the resultant hoppy flavour has a rather pleasant appeal. I’ve not yet worked out how many cans of Tetley’s Original you would need to fill a metal cask a la Harry Houdini, but I’d strongly advise against trying to replicate his stunt. It would be a complete waste of ale. RM

TIGER BEER

Beer Book — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 12:45:18 +0000

Tiger Export
Asia, 5% ABV

This is a South East Asian premium lager beer from the home of the Singapore Sling, which, for the uninitiated, is a cocktail and not a weapon of mass destruction. Tiger Beer is well known to merchant seamen the world over and really should be mentioned alongside that other staple beer from that part of the world, Singha. Both are of a premium strength that creeps up on you before you can say ‘knock’ in a game of dominoes. Singha weighs in at a heavyweight strength of 6% ABV, while Tiger isn’t far behind behind at 5%. Tiger’s natural home in the UK is lurking in a Thai restaurant, as it is the perfect clean-tasting, complement to a green curry. Formerly only available in bottles, a draught variety arrived on these shores in 2008. Launched in 1932, Tiger is the flagship brand of the former Malayan Breweries Limited, now Asia Pacific Breweries. In the 50s, the Malay-based writer Anthony Burgess named his first novel Time for a Tiger after the beer’s long-standing advertising slogan. The first edition of the book depicted a bottle of Tiger Beer on the cover. After publication, Burgess asked Malayan Breweries for a complimentary Tiger Beer clock, but was refused. However, in 1970, when Burgess had become famous, Malayan Breweries told him he could drink any of their beers on the house when in Singapore. ‘But it was too late,’ Burgess wrote in his autobiography, ‘I had become wholly a gin man.’ MW