Non-Beardy Beer » M

MCKEWAN’S EXPORT ALE

Beer Book — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 13:36:15 +0000

Scottish & Newcastle
UK, 4.5% ABV

One of Scotland’s finest, this dark, caramelised beer promises ‘quality and strength’ and – like Ronseal – it does exactly what it says on the tin. Before ecstasy and the spliff, the four-pack of McEwan’s was the ticket into any party you weren’t invited to. Throw in a half-bottle of Glenmorangie and you’d be guaranteed first shot at the Twiglets and the choice of bedroom at any party in the land. Export is still sold on draught in many nicotine-stained bars across the country – any pub needing a makeover or with Blanket on the Ground still on the jukebox will probably serve a damn good pint of it. At 4.5% strength, it can hold its head up in most company. It is the beer of choice for many rail-travelling football fans, and is always prominent on a Friday on the East Coast mainline between Aberdeen and King’s Cross – when anywhere up to 48 cans may be found on a table of four returning oil rig workers. Obviously the brew never makes the drinker abusive to ticket collectors, and it does so much to enliven and cheer up the quiet coach on long-haul journeys. Most travelling drinkers bring their Export onto the train in a carrier bag – in the supermarket it is an inexpensive buy, but on the railways it is more expensive to buy than a three bedroom terrace house in Leith. Proudly ‘only ever made in Edinburgh, Scotland’, McEwan’s Export is a national treasure – it cannot be long before there is a GCSE module studying its history. MW

MICHELOB ULTRA

Beer Book — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 13:16:36 +0000

Anheuser-Busch
USA, 4.2% ABV

Picture the scene – an industrial American town under a big greying sky, where men are big and women are bigger, where industry is in the blood, and graft is the marker of a true man. Now ask yourself – what do these honest, wife-fearing, hard-working men drink when they knock off for home? Quite possibly Michelob Ultra, a beer that conjures up images of Minnesota millworkers and loggers and others of suitably gritty professions enjoying a hard-earned after-work tipple. I am but a humble British shop keep, and when I wish to feel manly, there’s nothing quite as testosterone-nurturing as the pleasant metallic note of this vastly superior cousin of Budweiser. Be warned however, it tends only to be sold in places that feel the need to charge you a price that reflects every step of the brewing process. Michelob Ultra is an unpolished gem, rough yet smooth, and undeniably soulful, a true contender, if it were given half the marketing focus afforded to stable-mate Bud. It was invented by Anheuser-Busch co-founder Adolphus Busch in Fergus Falls, Minnesota in 1896. Ultra is the Michelob of choice for the UK, but US drinkers get a portfolio of Michelob beers ranging from the low calorie alternative to a gag-inspiring Pumpkin Spice Ale, presumably produced in some gaudy brewery version of Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, where some buffoon is adding all manner of crazy ingredients to a vat of glorious Ultra. ‘Mmm, pumpkin..! I think that’s just zany enough! Hang the flavour consequences!’ SG

MERRYDOWN

Beer Book — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 13:14:42 +0000

Merrydown
UK, 7.5%

In the late 60s the cider industry was all but dead. Only a handful of Cornish thatchers and a few dozen morris dancers bothered with it and even then only if it had bits of wood floating in it. Beer was king. Then along came a marketing man who decided to make it a niche drink by sticking ‘Vintage’ on the bottle. Soon we were all buying it, hunting out a ‘68 in the belief that it was better than the ‘74. Fools that we were. Of course people still drank QC sherry or Mateus Rose at about the same price per bottle, and the Mateus bottle had the advantage of making a better lamp base than the bottle from Somerset. What Merrydown did successfully was gently introduce women to cider drinking, although, given current statistics on female binge drinking, this might not be anything to brag about. Today Merrydown represents the golden age of cider, when it was still happily made from apples grown lovingly in the orchards of the south west. It was the time before cider bottles came to be wrapped in plain brown bags, and the time before cider became chemically synthesised in a laboratory in Saffron Walden with 0% apple content and well before you’d use it as an image accessory to go with your boy band haircut. Now Merrydown is rehabilitated as a drink sitting happily on the shelves of Waitrose, a product with 40 years of tradition, unlike your alcopops and WKDs. MW

MARSTON’S PEDIGREE

Beer Book — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 12:26:45 +0000

Marston’s
UK, 4.5% ABV

Marston’s Pedigree is a very refreshing smooth pale ale, especially when served cool from the tap. With an ABV of 4.5% it may not be as strong as some run-of-the-mill beers like the wifebeating Stella Artois, but it packs a bigger punch than coming-of-age footy fans faves Carling or Foster’s. I like how these old traditional brewing companies name their beers. As well as Pedigree, other beer names in the Marston’s portfolio are Heart Warmer, Evening Glow and Ugly Sisters, which after a few pints you could rename the Not-So-Ugly Sisters. Marston’s brewery was founded by John Marston in 1834 in Burton-on-Trent, and uses the famous Burton spring water in its ales. While most beers nowadays are brewed in stainless steel vats, Marston’s brew their beers in traditional oak casks, linked together by pipes and troughs. Personally I couldn’t care less if it was brewed in old Mrs Miggins’s tin bath as long as it keeps tasting this good. Marston’s Pedigree is also available to the home drinker in 500ml cans and bottles which I now stock up on a regular basis. No, I don’t have a drink problem… yet. So, previously a Guinness drinker, I now feel I have found my perfect pint. So for a change from the norm, next time you’re in a pub ask for a pint of Marston’s Pedigree and tell them I sent you. They won’t have a clue who you’re talking about. DL

MCKEWAN’S BEST SCOTCH

Beer Book — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 12:37:23 +0000

Scottish & Newcastle
UK, 3.6% ABV

A Scottish & Newcastle staple for as long as anyone can remember, the good old McEwan’s Best Scotch pump was a bar top necessity across the North East of England well before the onset of drinking as a fashionable pastime. But getting the young punters in meant getting the old ones out, and nowadays McEwan’s Best Scotch has been relegated to grubby granddad bars and working men’s clubs. Southerners know Northerners like a drink, but are still shocked when they overhear them asking for ‘a pint of Scotch’. But huge whiskies are not the order of the day – in fact Scotch refers to the method of brewing that gives this beer a very dark chestnut hue. It is generally served with an inch-thick head of foam – easy drinking and malty, with a peaty blandness, the old folks still lap it up. Billed as ‘the one you’ve got to come back for’ during a long ad campaign in the 70s and 80s; one of the TV commercials depicted a just-returned, homesick Geordie supping a pint of Scotch in his local, regaling misadventures at the Munich beer festival with flashbacks of clinking beer steins, lederhosen-clad men slapping each other. When asked by his local barmaid what the women were like, he simply replied, ‘Ahhh man, giz a bag o’ crisps!’ It’s a real shame; time is running out for this brew, its aging customer base will disappear within a generation and with them the legend that blokes up North sup whiskey by the pint. GT

MURPHY’S IRISH STOUT

Beer Book — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 13:02:11 +0000

InBev
Ireland, 4% ABV

In the style of Family Fortunes we asked 100 people to name an Irish drink and the top answer was..? Yep, when you think of Ireland and you think of booze the first thing that invariably comes to mind is the black and white behemoth that is Guinness. Any other Irish drink has to stand in its immense shadow and is consigned to finish second, at best, in any popularity poll (or be content to play Buzz Aldrin to Guinness’s Neil Armstrong, if you will). That said, Murphy’s is a drink that has managed to carve its own niche amongst stout drinkers, and is now sold in over 40 countries around the world. And it’s no Johnny-come-lately either, as it was first brewed in Ireland back in 1856 with the Murphy Brewery recently celebrating 150 years in the business of serving up the foamy stuff. But just how does Murphy’s square up against Guinness? Well, many would attest to the fact that it is has a nuttier flavour than its more famous counterpart and that it also has a slight hint of coffee. There’s also a matter of the aftertaste which isn’t as bitter as you’ll find with Guinness, something which the brand have played on with their ‘Like the Murphy’s, I’m not bitter’ advertising campaign, which has certainly paid dividends in getting the drink noticed, especially in the US. The bottom line is: it’s not Guinness, but it’s not bad. RM

MORETTI

Beer Book — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 13:00:54 +0000

Heineken UK
Italy, 4.6% ABV

Moretti is from Italy of course: it’s Sophia Loren; it’s Dolce & Gabbana; it’s Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn gliding through the streets of Rome on a Vespa… it’s all of these things and more – things that make the country the planet’s capital of chic. But if this is the case then why oh why does one of Italy’s leading beers picture a man who for all the world looks like an extra from Heidi on the front of its bottles? There he is, all Bavarian hat and bristling moustache, looking like he’s more concerned about his goat herd than la dolce vita. As ever, though, there’s a story behind it. Moretti was first brewed in 1859 by Luigi Moretti in a small quiet town in Northern Italy. It wasn’t until 1942, however, that the character depicted on the label first arrived on the scene, when a descendent of Luigi, Leo Menazi Moretti, spotted a moustachioed old man sitting at a table in a local restaurant. Leo believed that the old gentlemen embodied the character and personality of the actual beer – genuine, traditional and authentic – and took a photograph of him. The image was retouched in colour and has since been used on millions of bottles of Moretti. The old man’s payment? ‘A glass of what I am drinking is sufficient for me,’ he told Moretti (in Italian, presumably). The beer itself has won countless awards (it recently claimed the gold medal at the Brewers Association World Beer Cup) and is a wonderfully light and charming drink. RM

MILLER GENUINE DRAFT

Beer Book — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 12:28:38 +0000

Miller Brands
USA, 4.7

Miller Genuine Draft, a 4.7% bottled beer, is not to be confused with Miller Beer, a 4.2% draught beer. So Miller Genuine Draft is bottled, and Miller Beer is draught. Crystal clear, right? Just like the long-necked bottles MGD is served in. The Miller Brewing Company is based in Milwaukee, famous for beer, Harley-Davidson and Happy Days. (A bronze statue of Arthur Fonzarelli is to be built on the city’s Riverwalk.) Utilising the handy beer knowledge of thousands of predominantly German 19th century immigrants, Milwaukee was once home to four of the world’s biggest brewers – Blatz, Pabst, Schlitz and Miller. Only Miller remains. Sometimes known as Brew City, Milwaukee of course has a baseball team called the Brewers that plays at Miller Park. The UK’s favourite Miller brand, MGD is cold-filtered, which essentially means it isn’t pasteurised with heat. But forget the taste, the real USP offered by MGD is its new twist-off cap. ‘Purveyors of the uniquely cold filtered beer will find themselves one swift twist away from refreshment!’ said Miller’s marketing manager, announcing that further exciting developments would follow. ‘The introduction of the twist-off bottles is just the start!’ Man alive, whatever next? The bottle of beer that purchases itself, walks home from the off-licence, collects your takeaway, indulges in pointless chit-chat with the wife, turns on the telly, plumps up the cushions, and then pours itself down your bone-idle throat? Now that’s a beer I’d like to get acquainted with. PB

MAGNERS ORIGINAL CIDER

Beer Book — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 12:27:20 +0000

Bulmers
Ireland, 4.5 ABV

Magners, Bulmers – whatever – it’s all the same when it comes out the other end. Glaswegians were the first outside of Ireland to taste Magners, and with their seal of approval it must be worth getting hammered on. Eh, cider drinking is sociably acceptable? When did all this happen? Well, the secret of this pretention is the addition of the i-word. Ta daaaa… you no longer feel ashamed; you’re sophisticated and fashionable. It tastes like apples, believe it or not. What else were you expecting? It is the perfect drink. Gorgeous. Everyone will bang on about drinking it in the summer, but I reckon it is a drink for any single day of the year. Picture a frosted pint glass loaded with ice cubes, a freshly opened bottle, the nectar fizzing down the bottle-neck as it’s poured over the ice, cracking and bubbling all the way to the top. You’re sitting outside in the height of summer, the sun beating down on your bronzed washboard stomach as your supermodel girlfriend brings the glass to your mouth. She runs her finger up the coldness of the glass then traces it over her lips before licking it. And then you wake up. You’re alone in the house, no ice, a sad and uncultured pig, wincing at the harshness of the taste. You’re watching the Jeremy Kyle Show, laughing. The sickly-sweet smell repeats on you as you burp, admiring the bottle, ‘It looks just like Bulmers,’ you say. SW