Non-Beardy Beer » K

KOZEL

Beer Book — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 13:08:43 +0000

Plzeňský Prazdroj
Czech Republic, 4.8%

If Czech pilsner is the finest in the world, and those from the Plzeňský Prazdroj brewery the finest in the Czech Republic, then that brewery’s Velkopopovický Kozel is arguably the finest of them all. From its 16th century beginnings in the small Czech town of Velké Popovice, this bitingly strong beer – perfect for people who like their beer to taste of beer with none of that fruity nonsense – finally acquired its Kozel name (meaning goat) and emblem in 1874, and has steadfastly resisted the vagaries of Bohemian history to this day, unless you count the baffling Axl Rose bandana on the goat that introduces the Kozel website. Unfortunately, Kozel is only available in bottles in the UK, so to enjoy it on draught you need to board a Stagnightair.com flight, take a rickety tram at least two stops away from the tourist masses, enter a dusty barroom and sit down at a table, place a beer mat in front of you and engross yourself in your Prague Post. Within five seconds – and without a single word being exchanged – a man with a battered waistcoat and a luxuriant moustache will stick a half-litre of Kozel on the mat. Drink it at your leisure. Blink. When you open your eyes, that same gentleman will have left you with another foaming glass and hot-footed it with your empty. This will continue until you work out how to stop him. And the bill for the whole lot will come to about a quid and a half. Including tip. MJ

KALIBER

Beer Book — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 13:07:27 +0000

Diageo
UK, 0.05% ABV

‘Non-alcoholic beer? Pah! What’s the point?’ That’s no doubt the review you were expecting, but, to be honest, I’ve got no real problem with non-alcoholic lager. It’s a viable alternative for drivers, pregnant women, recovering alcoholics, and anyone who begrudges paying upwards of two bin lids for a carbonated cola. But I do have a problem with Kaliber. I’ll admit this has nothing much to do with the drink itself, and everything to do with all those late 1980s TV ads featuring Billy bloody Connolly. ‘Look at me! I’m Scottish and wacky! With a big beard that I sometimes dye blue! And I’ve got my willy out! Again!’ When it comes to Billy Connolly, the word smug is wholly inadequate, and his infuriating ads were more than enough to merit a boot through the Rediffusion. ‘I’m not a pheasant plucker, I’m a pheasant plucker’s son, and I’m only plucking pheasants ‘til the pheasant plucker comes. And I’ve been drinking.’ The ads, like Connolly, were bafflingly popular, and helped Kaliber survive in a difficult market, while the likes of 1980s non-alcoholic rival Barbican disappeared. It’s brewed by Guinness as a full-strength, with the alcohol removed at the end. (Strictly speaking, Kaliber is not non-alcoholic as it does have a naturally occurring ABV of 0.05%.) Did I mention it’s brewed by Guinness? Because that fact is writ large over Kaliber’s packaging and advertising. ‘It’s brewed by Guinness! It’s legitimate!’ That may be, but I’m not sure I can ever forgive Kaliber for Billy plucking Connolly. And I’ve been drinking. PB

KRONENBOURG BLANC

Beer Book — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 12:22:49 +0000

Scottish & Newcastle
France, 5% ABV

An imported, fruity wheat beer from France which caused quite a splash when it landed in the UK a few years ago (possibly because of the astronomical costs associated with buying the stuff), Kronenbourg Blanc is a love it or hate it job, make no mistake. It’s certainly fruity and quite refreshing, but it’s sweet to the point of sickly, and you wouldn’t want to drink more than a couple of pints of the stuff – although those couple of pints might be very enjoyable indeed. It’s easily found on the high street and in the off-licence, and in my opinion that’s no bad thing for UK drinkers who have suffered through years of nothing more than the mildest of mild ales and the blandest of bland lagers. The fact that many UK drinkers may very well turn their noses up at the acquired taste of Blanc is another matter entirely. It’s also worth mentioning Kronenbourg Premier Cru here. Cru is a straightforward lager, albeit a 6% ABV one. The luxuriant bottle may be the most notable thing about it, as, for all its promises of quality, it doesn’t really taste all that exceptional. The fact that it’s advertised as an accompaniment to ‘lobe de foie gras en consommé‘ (something I must admit to rarely having knocking around at the back of the fridge), shows exactly what type of market Kronenbourg are pitching Cru at. Good luck to the marketing team, hard luck to the consumers, and of course, their shrinking wallets. DA

KINGFISHER

Beer Book — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 12:57:43 +0000

Shepherd Neame
India, 4.8% ABV

Kingfisher is the bestselling beer in India, and the UK’s bestselling Indian beer, so far managing to hold off much-hyped newcomer Cobra. Indian friends of mine confirmed Kingfisher’s popularity, but noted a difference in taste between the Indian original and the UK variety. That’ll be because the UK variety is brewed in Faversham, Kent, by Shepherd Neame with yeast imported from India. While discussing the fact that the Bangalore brewery that created Kingfisher was founded by a Scotsman (Thomas Leishman founded the United Breweries in 1857), we enjoyed some home-made Indian pakoras and spring rolls. It’s not always easy to find a beer that works with the spices of Indian food, but I dived into a bottle of Kingfisher and came out quite refreshed. It’s brewed for a minimum of eight weeks, and comes in a very restaurant-friendly 660ml bottle. But is this a beer that should be drunk on any other occasion? My friends said they preferred the Indian brew, and certainly its UK cousin doesn’t come close to competing with many of my favourites from Europe. It’s light in colour and poured with a good head, but not much of an aroma. If anything, it was a bit sweet, and the taste – well, it was there one minute and gone the next, a bit like the bird it’s named after, spotting fans. India is home to more than 70 species of kingfisher, and they are particularly prevalent around Bangalore. Interestingly, United Breweries also own one of India’s biggest airlines – also called Kingfisher. HC

KRONENBOURG 1664

Beer Book — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 12:20:26 +0000

Scottish & Newcastle
France, 5% ABV

The selling point of Kronenbourg lagers has for some time been geared around the better aspects of life enjoyed by our Gallic friends over the channel. A more relaxed, refined outlook. A little laissez-faire, perhaps. The composer leaving his work unfinished to enjoy a drink. The sexy French stunner, lager in hand, with the tagline that if you were looking at the advert in France, she’d not have her top on. All this sounds great, expect for the fact that the Kronenbourg 1664 you drink in Lyon is very different to the stuff you drink in Leeds. You’ve guessed it, it’s weaker. 5.5% if you’re in France, 5% in the UK. Why? Because we binge-drinking Brits can’t handle full-strength lagers, perhaps, while the cafe-cultured French can sip the non-watered-down variety at their continental leisure? Okay, we’re only talking 0.5% ABV here, but once again it’s a bit of a kick in the teeth for UK drinkers, suggesting we’re incapable of enjoying beer without getting hammered on the stuff. What we’re left with is a fairly standard lager, from which the makers promise all sorts of things – notes of honey, aroma of grapefruit, a floral finish and even the taste of Mirabelle plum somewhere in the mix, whatever that is. Me, I found the whole experience to be typical of so many of the UK’s bestselling lagers – it’s cold and fizzy, but the taste isn’t what it’s cracked up to be, and that’s a shame. DA