Welcome to the web version of The Non-Beardy Beer Book, a humorous and no-nonsense guide to the UK’s favourite beers, lagers and ciders. The book is available now from all good book shops, including Amazon.co.uk. You can read more about the book here. This website provides an interactive selection of some of the reviews from the book, plus a chance to add your own reviews.

INTRODUCTION

Beer. The inspiration for our wildest dreams and the mastermind behind our most spectacular gaffes; what would life be without that accidental one-too-many? But how much do we actually know about our liquid nemesis, the delicious golden poison we pour down our necks most nights and every other lunchtime? Thanks to the concerted, elitist and bewildering efforts of our friendly neighbourhood connoisseur, probably very little. And how much do we actually care? Even less, you could say. After all, who needs another lug-full of the depressingly familiar ‘tasting notes’ cribbed from The Beer Bore’s Book of Bluster? Can they really all have a velvety mouth feel and a grassy nose? Do frothy heads come in any colour except white? The question could be asked: isn’t it time there was a book written by normal people who wouldn’t know a long finish with hops and toasted malt from a happy finish with sticky belly in the flat above the takeaway, and who are perfectly happy with that? The Non-Beardy Beer Book and its companion website aims to change things a little with a comprehensive and irreverent guide to the nation’s favourite drink, calling ‘time gentlemen, please’ on the tedious real ale buff in the corner, hunched over his half of warm, flat sheep dip and his dog-eared jotter. Things you most definitely won’t find here: any gargling, hocking, or sluicing. Nor will there be any sweaters, sandals, or stout yeomen of the bar. And, as the title of the book so defiantly says, there’ll be no whopping great beards, especially ones full of food and phlegm and fugitives from justice. Instead there’s a whole host of fascinating and pertinent facts about the UK’s most popular brands, liberally smothered in a layer of smart-arse remarks and topped with amusingly tangential nonsense. The reviews have been put together through a hung-over fuzz by folk who simply like to have a beer or two, wrestle with the odd belligerent lamppost on the way home, and then get up the next morning and do it all again. We believe they’re all the qualifications and equipment that anyone could possibly need for a definitive guide to beer, and can guarantee that our writers have nothing so much as an internet-bought tasting diploma between them, let alone an overflowing spittoon. As well as being an essential companion for an adventurous pub-crawl, The Non-Beardy Beer Book is also an indispensable guide to a quiet night in with the telly. Whether you’re mulling over an attractive gift set with a funny-shaped tankard in a luxury supermarket, or peering through the bulletproof glass in a problem estate off-licence, there’ll be something in here to point you in the right direction. And if the only thing that’s stopping you from blowing an hour’s wages on a bottle of something exotic in your local pretentious lounge bar is its pronunciation, our polyglot team might just have had an educated stab at that for you too. How’s that for service? MJ

NOTES

Beers are presented in the following format:

BRAND NAME
UK distributor
Country of origin, Percentage alcohol by volume (ABV)

Country of origin is not necessarily the same as the country of manufacture.

Alcohol by volume (ABV) percentages can vary.

Scottish & Newcastle was acquired by a consortium of Carlsberg and Heineken in April 2008. At the time of publication it had been announced that Heineken would acquire S&N UK.

The information on this website is correct to the best of the authors’ knowledge at the time of publication.

The opinions expressed are those of the individual authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher.

Please drink responsibly…

CONTRIBUTORS

Dave Amos (DA)
Paul Brown (PB)
Hazel Cameron (HC)
Simon Gallagher (SG)
Mark Jones (MJ)
W David Leighton (WDL)
David Lynn (DL)
Rob Meddes (RM)
Jamie Rothwell (JR)
Nicolas Sheffield (NS)
Gary Taylor (GT)
Trampjuice (TJ)
James Watson (JW)
Malcolm Watson (MW)
Stuart Wheatman (SW)