WHITE LIGHTNING
Scottish & Newcastle
UK, 7.5% ABV
If you’re a White Lightning drinker, the chances are that you are also eating from a bin and living in a hedgerow and probably wouldn’t benefit from reading a review of it. Or you are too busy listening to Happy House music and smoking ‘tac’, and are incapable of reading anyway. However, I’ll soldier on. It’s made of fermented corn syrup. It’s cheap. It’s so sweet that your teeth are in danger of falling out after a mouthful. It’s white cider. It’s probably one of the worst drinks money can buy. I drank this once when I was absolutely brassic and needed to get skulled in an instant… and it was from Netto too (oh, the shame). There is no sophistication about this drink. You buy it in two litre bottles with one thing on your mind. There’s no pleasure to it, no satisfying aftertaste and it shouldn’t be served with dinner, or anything else for that matter, unless of course you are eating from said bin. When White Lightning was unleashed, it was originally only available in three litre bottles (for the price of two litres, kids!). In 2004, after turning the majority of the lower-classes into borderline alcoholics, Scottish Courage developed a conscience and stopped selling it in three litre bottles – meaning that fans of the drink had to fork out for two bottles at a time. And don’t try pouring it into a pint glass with ice and pretend you have a job – you’re not fooling anyone. SW
