CARLSBERG
Carlsberg UK
Denmark, 3.8%
Brewed since 1904 and by appointment to no lesser establishment than the Danish Royal Court, Carlsberg Pilsner Beer is supposedly packed with the flavours of hops, grain, pine needles, summer apples and sorrel, whatever that is. Sounds like the perfect lubrication for the particularly Danish concept of cosiness and conviviality known as hygge (pronounced ‘hooger’), which loosely translates as either, ‘Brrr! Pint?’ or, ‘Sunshine! Fancy a couple of cans in the park?’ depending on the season. Carlsberg, when brewed in its native country and to its traditional strength, could well be – as their bold as brass adverts claim – probably the best beer in the world. (Admittedly, for the travelling connoisseur, the first round of drinks in a Copenhagen alehouse usually costs about the same as the flight there from the UK, but we’ll not dwell on that for longer than necessary.) The reality is, however, that the Carlsberg served in the pubs of Britain can be pretty much summed up by using one of the following words: piddle, widdle, wizz or wazz. Gone is the smooth malty dryness of the Danish recipe, and in its place a pale imitation, churned out by Tetley’s, and weakened for the less refined palates and hair-trigger temperaments of the Brits to a pitiful 3.8%. Castrated, declawed and stripped to its underwear, the resulting brew is utterly indistinguishable from the insipid likes of Foster’s or Carling or the contents of a dirty bucket left out in the rain. Now how the hell was that allowed to happen? MJ
